This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
