moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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