Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
