he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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