my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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