We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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