Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
