hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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