I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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