Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
