I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
