its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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