it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
