Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
