I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
