Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
