my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
