dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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