we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
