Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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