3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
