rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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