there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
