Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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