If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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