there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well you can't waste a boner
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize