just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
