Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
