There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
