I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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