last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
