Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
