ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
