you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
