So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
