Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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