Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
