Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
