I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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