why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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