And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my liver is dry heaving
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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