the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
