think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
