If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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