Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize