i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
