I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
