Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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