1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
