I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My dick has a subreddit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
