i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
