I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
