i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
