How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
