rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
