Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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