she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Alive.
So much puke
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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