i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
