everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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