Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
