My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Two words: blizzard sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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