Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
