Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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