I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
