I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
