I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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