The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
