Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
