I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
