so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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