im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
