I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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