I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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