She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
