I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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