And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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