You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
