so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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