I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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