I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm always down for nudity.
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