i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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