Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
