I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
