My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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